Tag Archive | "Pakistani People"

Shoaib thanks nation for Support

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Shoaib thanks nation for Support

Posted on 08 April 2010 by PakBee - Total hits: 1,093

KARACHI: Former captain of Pakistan cricket team Shoaib Malik has expressed gratitude for nation and media for supporting him.

In a statement, Shoaib said he is thankful to God and Pakistani nation who extended full support during his tough times. He said God knows everything and said he will personally thank the media friends as soon as he reach back home.

“ I apologize if anyone feels hurt as far as my decision is concerned,” Shoaib added.

On the other hand, Indian police said investigations are on as the case against Shoaib Malik has not been abolished.

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Awards night

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Awards night

Posted on 28 February 2010 by PakBee - Total hits: 2,199

Hello people, and welcome to the First Annual Pakistani Private TV Channels Awards. I, Wamid Mir, will be your host for the evening and with me will be the lovely, Dr. Shireen Blackwater Baymaari. Let’s kick off this grand event, but first, a choti se break, and a word from our main sponsors, Aafia Fairness Cream.

Yes, people, every Pakistani daughter, wife, mother and sister should be using this cream, made from natural Jalalabad almonds, ripe Swati lemons, and scintillating Afghan gun powder extracts. Experience a great sense of non-Caucasian fairness with Aafia Fairness Cream … otherwise you’re a traitor!

Over to you Shireen.

Thank you, Wamid. I hate the US!

 That’s nice to know, Shireen. Now, can we know who the nominees for our first award are?

No! Not unless you expel the Blackwater agents planted within the audience.

 Okay. Can you help us pinpoint them?

There! There’s one!

 What? That’s an empty chair!

Well, that’s what Blackwater would want you to believe. Get him out!

 Right. We will. Now can you please announce the nominees for our first award?

Okay. The first award is for the Loudest Talk Show Host. And the nominees are: Dr. Deafeningly  Danish and  Meher Blah Brunette Bokhari.

And the winner is: Dr. Deafeningly Danish!  Dr. Deafening, please come up the stage and accept your award.

 THANK YOU, SHIREEN!! THANK YOU WAMID! CAN YOU HEAR ME??

 Ahem, yes, we can Dr. Deafening. Can you kindly take the award without delivering a speech? I don’t think our mics and speakers have enough watts in them to handle your voice.

OKAY, WAMID SAHIB! AND SORRY, MEHER, I BEAT YOU!!

 OH, YOU SHUT UP, YOU URDU-MEDIUM MAN-SIREN!! THIS IS NOT FAIR!! I AM LOUDER AND DUMBER! CAN YOU HEAR ME??

 We can hear you both loud and clear. Now will you kindly keep quiet?

OKAY!

Phew. Thank you. Do I hear whistling in the hall, or is it just my ears ringing? Anyway, on to our next award. Shireen, can you take us through it?

No!

Now what?

I can see CIA agents.

Where?

In your ears.

In my ears? But it’s just wax.

Precisely.

 Okay, I’ll get rid of it.

Good boy. Okay, our next award is for the most Blessedly Warped TV Personality. And the nominees are: Zion Hamid; Dr. Aamer Aafat; and Dr. Shahid Barood. This is a tough one. But, alas, the winner is the great Zion Hamid. Zion sahib, kindly come and take your award from Wamid Mir saheb.

 Zion sahib is in India at the moment, Shireen. He will be with us via satellite. You can see and hear his acceptance speech on this big screen behind me. Yes, Mr. Zion.

Hello, Wamid. Hello people. I am speaking to you live from the Red Fort in New Delhi. And I want to give the nation the good news that my army has taken over India. Rejoice!

 

That’s India? You are sitting in front of a video backdrop of the Red Fort.

Shut-up, Wamid. What do you know? You’re a CIA agent, anyway. I am in India, and to prove it, I have with me, Muhammad Bin Qasim! Say hello to our brothers and sisters in Pakistan, Qasim bhai.

 That’s Ali Azmat!

Shut-up, Wamid. He is Muhammad Bin Qasim. Every Pakistani is Muhammad Bin Qasim!

 Even the women?

Especially the women! Have you ever seen Maria B without make-up?

 You are making fun of your own supporter?

We are at war. And war is fun.

 Err … Zion sahib, the Red Fort backdrop was just replaced by a backdrop of a beach in Honolulu.

It was? Oh … umm … that’s not Honolulu. That’s a beach near Mumbai.

 Really? Since when have Mumbai beaches got Hawaiian women dancing on them?

Well … err … its tourism season here in Mumbai.

 But we thought you were in Delhi.

I am! I can prove it. I have with me Aishwarya Rai. Say hello to your new rulers, sister Aishwarya.

What? That’s Ahmed Qureshi in a sari!

How dare you! Enough! I can’t accept this stupid USA-India-UK-Papua New Guinea-sponsored award of yours. I have better things to do.

Like what?

Like conquering Israel! My next speech to the nation will be delivered from Tel Aviv.

I see. Well, good luck, Zion sahib. By the way, before you go, just wanted to tell you your backdrop has changed again. And it looks very much like Disney Land.

Alhamdulillah! It seems we’ve conquered the United States as well. Rejoice!

So, Shireen, whom do you want to give this award to now?

Well, I always thought the award should have been shared by all the nominees. They’re all so blessed. Come on up, guys, come to mama, and take your Most Blessedly Warped TV Personality Award!

Nice. Shahid Barood, would you like to say something?

 I can’t, Wamid. The evil government is out to destroy me. I’m in hiding.

But you’re right here. We can see you.

No, Wamid, you can’t. I’m not here.

 You are very much here, now speak!

Mama Shireen, kindly explain the sensitivity of the issue to Wamid.

 Wamid, since Barood is in hiding, we’ll have to call Aamer Aafat to receive this prestigious award.

 But he’s right here. I can see him. You can see him. The whole world can see him!

See who?

 Shahid Barood!

 Where?

 Here! Right in front of you!

Stop hallucinating, Wamid. It seems that ear-wax of yours has gotten into your eyes as well. Good luck, Barood, wherever you are, and may the force of brave journalism be with you.

 Thank you, mom, I will only come out of hiding after this corrupt government is toppled by gallant journalists like you and me.

 Hey, me too!

Okay, you too, Wamid.

Thanks, Shahid.

Sigh. Life is not easy when one’s in hiding.

 Where are you hiding?

I am in a bunker designed specially by Peo TV for my brilliant talk show, ‘Meray MutaBak-Bak.’

 Well, good luck to you, my brave friend. Let me shake your hand. Oh, my, your palms are so cold. Do meet us whenever you come out of hiding.

I will, I wish you could see the state I am in.

 But I can.

No you can’t!

 Of course, I can’t.  My bad. Anyway, Dr. Aamer Aafat, kindly collect the award from us.

Jazzakallah! Jazzakallah! I am honored. How much money am I getting with this award?

 Err … none.

Mahshallah. And may I know how much money you are getting to host this show?

 As much as you are getting to do that show of yours, ‘Zaalim Online.’

Alhamdulillah. Really happy to hear that. You see, brothers …

 I’m a sister, dimwit!

 Oh, a thousand apologies, sister Shireen. Wah! Kya naam hai. Shireen. The Sweetening. Mashallah.

 Shukriah.

 No, sister. Say Jazzakallah. We are, after all, Arabs.

 But my ancestors were Jats from Punjab.

Wamid bhai, Punjab is in Arabia.

 No, it isn’t.

Yes, it is pyare bhai. Can I see the soles of your shoes?

 They’re green.

No wonder. Brother, green is the colour of Islam, it is the colour of Pakistan, and now it is also the colour of my hair. Here, see the green streaking in my hair and beard? Lovely, isn’t it? But, brother, it can’t be the colour of the soles of your shoes.

 What are you talking about? You have a garden in your house that has green grass and on which you walk. And the carpet you are standing on right now, its colour is green too!

No, brother, you are obviously mistaken. The carpet is black. Isn’t it, Sister Sweetening?

 Yes, it is. Blackwater black!

 And the grass of your garden. Is that black too?

Arey, Wamid bhai. What are we talking about? Let’s talk about the message of love and peace that our faith gives. Let’s go out and stone a few heathens, lynch a few Jews, flog some women and …

 Let’s just move on, shall we. The next award is for the most Ubiquitous Talk Show Guest. And the nominees are: Gymran Khan; Marvi Siren; Sansar Abbasi; and Haroon-i-Islami. This award will be given by the famous TV hosts, Kamran Can’t and Javed Sermon Chudary. The winner is, the super-fit, Gymran Khan!

Wamid, Gymran is not here. He’s busy negotiating with the Taliban.

 Thank you, Shireen. He must be up in the mountains of Waziristan then.

No. Zaman Park, Lahore.

 What? There are Taliban in Zaman Park?

No, that’s the name of the area where Gym lives.

 So Gym has invited the Taliban to his place?

No. He has invited Qazi Hussain Ahmed.

 So who is negotiating with the Taliban then?

Gym is, of course.

 But he’s in Lahore.

So where else should he be? Mars?

 He should be where the Taliban are!

Where are the Taliban?

 Waziristan, Swat, Bannu, South Punjab …

Lies! All Blackwater propaganda!

 Then with whom is Gym negotiating, if there are no Taliban?

I never said that!

 You just did. Kamran Can’t is a witness. Right, Kamran?

Corruption, Zardari, Zardari corruption, Zardari, corruption, corruption, Zardari …

 Never mind. Well, folks, I guess that’s about it. Take care of yourself, and I hope you enjoyed this disaster, but we are proud of it because it’s our very own disaster … and a mighty lucrative one as well.

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Victims of Karachi bombings laid to rest

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Victims of Karachi bombings laid to rest

Posted on 07 February 2010 by PakBee - Total hits: 687

KARACHI: The mourners and the workers of Muttahida Qaumi Movement (MQM), who were killed on Friday’s twin bombings in Karachi, were laid to rest on Saturday.

Moving scenes were witnessed at the Imambargah Hussainia in Malir, where the bodies of 14 martyrs of Shahra-e-Faisal blast were brought. Thousands of people were present on this occasion. While special security measures were put in place for the funeral.

Maulana Abbas Naqvi led the funeral prayers attended by Shia Ulema Council central leader Allama Syed Sajid Ali Naqvi, renowned religious clerics and a large number of people.

On the other hand, the funerals of seven MQM workers were also offered at Jinnah ground in Azizabad.

MQM leaders Farooq Sattar, Anis Kaimkhani, Jafria Alliance chief Allam Abbas Kumaili, Rabita Committee’s members, families and relatives of martyrs and large number of people attended the funeral.

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Atif Signed as Warid’s Brand Ambassador

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Atif Signed as Warid’s Brand Ambassador

Posted on 03 February 2010 by PakBee - Total hits: 1,284

Warid today signed Atif Aslam, Pakistan’s leading pop star, as their brand ambassador.

Just recently, Warid renewed its contract with Reema Khan.

With amount of fame he has, Atif’s this move will be closely watched by music industry of Pakistan.

Atif Aslam is followed by millions of Fans, mostly the youth, hence a perfect suit for Warid’s prepaid brand Glow.

Best of Luck to Atif Aslam and Warid..

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Karachi 10 Years Back

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Karachi 10 Years Back

Posted on 03 January 2010 by PakBee - Total hits: 5,014


For the first time in the history of Pakistan, the Sindh budget is being rationalized and ceiling is being fixed for the 23 administrative secretaries of 29 Sindh departments.

Basic objective of the budget rationalization is to cut the unnecessary funds being spent by these departments and in particular to contain the State Bank of Pakistan overdraft.

Among the various measures, this could be a major step taken by the Sindh Finance Department through which the budget expenditure could be controlled. Once this plan is implemented it is hoped that debt servicing will be controlled and all these savings could be diverted to development works which are at present in low profile. Once the budget is rationalized, borrowings by the Sindh government would also be controlled.

Official sources informed that plans were in progress and the implementation stage could arrive in the next fiscal year.

The expenditure ceiling would be fixed for the secretaries, additional secretaries, deputy secretaries and other officers. At present, the sources said, figure of the ceiling could not be figured out as the process of rationalizing was in progress. Once the plan was successfully implemented than it could be extended to the section officer level, they added. The sources said Sindh Education Department had a heavy budget of Rs 14 billion, Police Department of Rs 6 billion and Health Department of Rs 3.6 billion per year.

The Sindh government is facing a serious financial crisis and has asked for assistance from the federal government so that the development works could be geared up.

The current revenue of Sindh per year is Rs 10.98 billion under the head of different taxes and collections like stamp duty, motor vehicle tax, registration fee, property tax, 11 miscellaneous taxes collected by Excise and Taxation Department and the collection made by the Board of Revenue.

src=’the news’

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